Thursday, June 16, 2011

Its Been Awhile I Know

Although we often think we control our own life until life itself comes along and WaLLa!! you're off doing another task. One that is unexpected and often not even wanted, but, we go along anyway because it's out of our control.

I am back on the track now and having a most wonderful time exploring the world around me. I will continue writing my story at some point, however right now, I'd rather just enjoy my explorations.

Much like this robin who returns from a long winter vacation to let us know times are changing, the world around us is about to renew herself again. Don't you just love spring, the fresh smell of cut grass, that yellow ball in the sky called the sun... shinning on your face and lighting up the world around you, through that beautiful blue sky?

And, the freedom to let your feet out of there shoes to just dangle in the air feeling the breeze, as you wiggle your toes?

 In every season of change I am always in aw....even though it happens time and time again, year after year, I can't help but stand in Aw!

I am spending my time rebirthing from the long winter season, inhaling everything I see and taking tons of pictures. How have you been spending spring?

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Things in Life - Part Two

The day the boy's were born I had no idea life was about to take me on another ride and change my life forever, or so I thought, but forever and happliy ever after doesn't always happen.

 I couldn't count the number of times I would think bad things couldn't ever happen to me. After all our family was somewhat lucky there weren't a lot of things that went wrong.  Like those who loose loved ones in an accident or in a blink of eye something happens internally and there gone.  Like most I thought I was immortal.... nothing so terrible could happen to me or anyone around me. I just somehow knew they would be there everyday, every single day!

How can we all be so smart in so many ways, and yet so stupid at the same time, to think life couldn't end for anyone, at any moment or for that at any age.

At times when I browse through my own life's memories, the ones in photographs, the touchable ones a parent brings out when you walk in and sit down with a guy you've been seeing for awhile.  Oh, how one sits there in those moments and thinks please don't bring out any more!

I look at that little girl and think she has no idea what is coming her way in this life. Two family molestations, one by 6 years old the other at 16 which continues for quite sometime and finally a date rape at 18 by two guys. One her boyfriend or so she thought, the other his friend.  But that in it's self is another story.

That little girl looking so delightful above has come along way, obviously.  Despite the things I just described nothing could have hit her harder in life then the storm that was waiting all those years to twist that little mind so tightly, leaving only one option.  Jump the entire ship!

Oh yeah, dealing with my little life's crisis, or anything you want to call them was so much easier. They were mine, even if inflicted by another they were my own personal demons to exit out, first battling them, coming to terms with them, and moving on..... yes, so much easier. 

Life seems to have a way of forcing our hand as we age making us deal with everything that happened in the past, although the seeds were planted long ago, we often choose to bury them most are too painful to recall, yet somehow in our forties they begin to sprout there little heads.  And that's when it all begins to change. 

Only this change was taking place for someone else, it certainly was nothing from my past, it was a train wreck that was happening right there during the internal growth of those two helpless little boy's. 

Being a mother gives one certain instincts and sometimes life gives us a visual warning, it's whether or not your really paying attention. I mean really paying attention to everything that happens to you, and around you, throughout your day. It all happens for a reason a lesson I was about to learn, my very first real lesson, and one of my most valuable in this life, from the birth of two preemie baby boy's....until the next post have a great day!